we have pet lesbian snakes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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