Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
