I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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