that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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