so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
