I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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