Kiss
Puke
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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