i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
