i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
