my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
