The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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