i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
