maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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