I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
