do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
