I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
