i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
