Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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