The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
