I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
