You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
