a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
