does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
