I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
