How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
