i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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