I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
