i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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