What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
