Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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