I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
