You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
