girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
