he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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