Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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