I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
