does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
