I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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