She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
