yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
