when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
