brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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