The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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