I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You work out of a Hotel?
Please, let me fuck your mom
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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