She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
