There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
