i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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