when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
