last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
