I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize