It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
