So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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