honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
