We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We are all done wearing pants today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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