Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
