So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
