She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
