I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
