I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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