good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
