it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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