His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
