After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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