I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
