even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
