I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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