somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
