I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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