Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
