just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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