Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
