Define "chronic" masturbator.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
