Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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