i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Everyone says I win the strip club
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
