On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
