he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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