her facebook's as public as her vagina
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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