hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
